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Toyz for (Radical) Tots

Lego let go of its police figures. Now we need Yoga Army, and a bunch of other revolutionary playthings.

Dorothy Woodend 24 Jun 2020TheTyee.ca

Dorothy Woodend is culture editor of The Tyee. Reach her here.

Children are born anarchists.

Anyone who has ever spent much time with a two-year-old knows this in their bones. Tell a small child to do one thing, and they will look you dead in the eye and do the exact opposite.

So do we really need to provide children with additional tools to wreak havoc?

The answer is an enthusiastic yes!

If we humans want to create a better, more equitable society, it’s best to start early. Police-free Lego, dolls that thwart gender norms and puppets that make sense of an increasingly complex time — toys to remake the world can’t come soon enough.

But first a caveat. Even the most well-meaning items don’t always work as intended.

When I was a little wiener, my sister and I begged my mother to buy us Kiss dolls. We wanted the band members to go on hot dates with our Barbies, which meant smoking cigarettes and making out. In that order.

Instead, my mother bought us the Sunshine Family. This wasn’t a Manson Family rip-off, but a wholesome Barbie alternative. Granola Barbies, if you will. There was a mother, a father and a kid, and grandparents, all with the same sweet, innocent look. We hated them on sight and set about devising various tortures. At some point Sunshine Grandpa had a broken leg, and someone else lost an eye.

Let this be a lesson. Children are unruly. But unruliness is a good thing at the moment, a way to thwart the powers that be and harness the wild and woolly power of young imaginations to envision a different kind of world.

With the goal of helping young minds to even wilder unruliness, The Tyee offers up some toyz for radical tots, would-be utopians and tiny revolutionaries.


Lego my Lego

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Lego was ahead of the curve on police violence. As protests spread around the globe, the company stopped advertising police sets and donated $4 million to non-profits “supporting Black children and educating all children about racial equality.”

But there is another side to the story. Lego has become increasingly violent and weaponized over the years. SWAT teams are now a thing. While not official Lego sets, these armed forces look realistic enough to fool the unwary.

And it isn’t simply weird dudes living in their mother’s basements painting camo patterns on the stubby figures. Companies will supply arms for Lego riot squads.

Battle Brick creates accessories — body armour, military grade weaponry, armoured tanks — for Lego figures. Which, if you think about it, is not unlike what happened to the real police. They may have started with the idea to serve and protect, but at some point, all that gear went to their heads and things got ugly.

To counter this kind of militarization, we offer the engaged Lego citizenry set. Fun to play with, and giving young activists a chance to practise avoiding being kettled, how to wash your eyes after being tear gassed and, most importantly, how to assert your right to peaceful protest without getting your ass beat.


Yoga Army

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Although even the most benign toy can be been co-opted by violence (like our abuse of the Sunshine Family), this trend can go in the opposite direction. I give you the Yoga Joes, classic green plastic army figures who put down their guns to pursue higher consciousness. These peaceful warriors have been around for a while, but hopefully other armed organizations will take up the call and work towards active resistance and increased flexibility.

Soon enough there might be the Navy De-Escalators, dealing with conflict by talking things out. They could be joined in their quest for nonviolence by the Airforce Yogic Fliers. Who needs jet fighters when you can levitate with peace and love?

Join up, and beat your swords into ploughshares, which I’m pretty sure is actually a yoga position.


Puppets for the People

Elmo’s dad Louie garnered recent attention, as well as the ire of conservatives, when he told his red furry son about the reasons behind the Black Lives Matter protests in a CNN townhall.

But puppets have a long tradition of radical action. Mister Rogers’ Neighbourhood, The Muppet Show, The Dark Crystal, Sesame Street — all tackled difficult ideas, from racism to oligarchy. (Mister Rogers’ oppressive ruler King Friday bears a resemblance to a certain would-be autocrat.)

While puppets are often at the vanguard of big social change, they could also offer examples of more equitable partnerships and alternative relationship dynamics. Polyamorous Puppets, whether they’re involved in throuples, quintuples or dexahedron-uples, could demonstrate the importance of clear communication and fair negotiations. Useful lessons from these brave puppet pioneers who achieve enthusiastic consent before jumping into a tangle of brightly coloured arms and legs and googly eyes.


American (Riot) Girl

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American Girl dolls were started with the goal of teaching U.S. history (and making money). They’ve revamped their image over the years, offering dolls of colour, dolls with purple hair and differently abled dolls.

I think they can go further. Why not a new line of American Riot Grrrls? Each doll comes with a variety of accessories, a fierce attitude and a blazing commitment to the social justice cause.

Community Organizer Annie gets the job done. In addition to chairing meetings, canvassing the neighbourhood for donations and organizing clothing drives, Annie also heads up 26 different committees and in her spare time makes soup. Annie comes with a clipboard for taking volunteer names, a couple of thousand Excel spreadsheets and Google docs, as well as a cool vest with many buttons from the causes she supports. (An endless supply of batteries not included.)

Patty the Protest Leader is always at the front of any march, leading the way, with her trusty bottle of eyewash at her side. Patty’s accessories include her beloved anarchist T-shirt, well-worn jeans and running shoes for hightailing it when the cops close in. Patty also comes with a thorough knowledge of legal procedure and a take-no-prisoners attitude. Literally — she’s also deeply into prison reform.

If she’s not at her computer, Hackivist Helen can be found at the co-op bookstore with her nose deep in a copy of Donna Haraway’s A Cyborg Manifesto. Helen honed her skills working with Anonymous before setting up her own corner of the web, where she outs pervy celebrities and works on blockchain technologies that help support alternative energy and co-operative economies. Helen comes with a nifty turtleneck, jaunty beret and outsize brain.


Conflict Resolution: The Board/Bored Game

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Games like Monopoly and Risk are steeped in a colonialist/capitalist mindset. It’s high time for a new kind of board game. Herald the entrance of Conflict Resolution.

Like most anarchist activities, the game might move a little slowly, and even after 14 hours of play you might not get consensus on the use of pronouns before you have to move on to the next agenda item. After 500 turns around the board, during which they never get to pass go or collect any money, children will probably pass out from sheer exhaustion. Best played right before bedtime with eight hours of peaceful slumber guaranteed for worn-out parents.


The Bio-Dynamic Farm Set

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Learning how to plant under the light of a full moon, in synchronicity with the lunar and tidal movements, may come in handy in future times when growing food becomes more important than ever. So, get your young agrarian something that will entertain and educate for hours. The set comes with two gender-fluid farmers, a bunch of happy non-exploited cows, some blissed-out chickens, and a horse who does nothing but stare into space. I think there’s something in that hay.

Play is serious stuff, so stash the guns and ban the sexed-out Bratz dolls and break out the fuzzy hippy toys. Your children will hate you forever.  [Tyee]

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